I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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