Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
