you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
