I love black thongs
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
