I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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