i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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