Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
