i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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