Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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