well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
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I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.