yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?