I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.