Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work

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(864): View more from South Carolina

i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking

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(251): View more from Alabama

you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

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(804): View more from Virginia

she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(765): View more from Indiana

He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.

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(248): View more from Michigan

sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

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