the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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