It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
