My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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