Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
