A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
