i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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