What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh god it's open bar.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
