Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We named our party play list daddy issues
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
