he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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