Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
