What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
