just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
