my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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