remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
