My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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