My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
