He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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