it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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