i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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