please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
