I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
