And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
