I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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