my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize