I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
