Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
