Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
