Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
