Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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