After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
honey bunches of taint.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up under a house in Key West
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
