my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
