How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
