put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
