a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
