Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
