i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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