i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
