You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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