Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
