Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
