I cockslap morals
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
