Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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