Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You made out with two different species that night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
