his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
love makes seman taste better
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
