nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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