I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
