My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
