I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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