I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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