Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
