i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
