my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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