I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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