My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
