Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
