i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
