Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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