Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
