But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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