She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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